Hell Is For Children
Grandpa’s Girl
2 words used together that always make me cringe. It’s what the family called me. Awww isn’t that sweet, she’s sitting on Grandpa’s lap again, while he brushes her hair, never seeing or realizing what was happening in his pants. Look how thoughtful she is, bringing Grandpa his beer, going on walks with him into the woods, helping him feed & water the cows and pigs in the barn, never knowing he had ulterior motives with his favorite Granddaughter, he had these perfect spots picked out where he could touch me, fondle me and always watching to make sure nobody else was coming that could catch him…. Shhhh don’t tell Grandma, its our little secret but here is some money and those candies you like so much.
It all started with a cuddle one weekend when my parents went for a square dance event out of town. I was just 7 years old and a pretty normal kid up to that point. Grandpa and I were downstairs watching tv, being the normal grandkid, I loved spending time with my grandparents and i curled up in his lap as usual and he started touching me and it felt good. Grandma was upstairs, I don’t recall where my brother and sister were, I only remember it was Grandpa and I alone watching TV… Shhhhh Don’t Tell Grandma or your parents, its our little secret.
For 5 years he continued to touch me and have me touch him, until his 80th birthday when he decided to take my virginity on a picnic table in a public park that was in a private shelter. I was only 12 years old. After it was over and we were walking back to the rest of the family, he only said one more thing to me – “This is what I want you to always remember me by” – and my mind shattered into a million little pieces.
I never went near him again, if my grandparents came over, I would leave the house. I never went with my parents again to see them. For 2 years after I never told a living soul what had happened to me, what he did to me after all, I was a willing participant after the 1st time he touched me. You see, he never hurt me physically, he was always loving and gentle with me and I thought I was “Special” — after all, I was Grandpa’s Girl, we had secrets, he gave me money and candy that he didn’t give to others.
The damage he caused was far deeper into my psyche and has taken me 33 years to get to where I am today.